Do we have a choice to choose ?

If matrimony no longer remains the kingpin of society…then shouldn’t individuals have greater say in whom they marry?

Call it the googlean mania ! Call it a common man’s curiosity !! Yet our fingers cant stop being dexterous at the sight of a keypad. Basic human life has been replaced so much to the online sphere that our reading, talking, shopping, dating and even match-making has taken roads less travelled in comparison with our traditional systems. 

In a layout where print books have been deputised by Kindle tabs and extensive letters being wrapped up in Whatsapp texts, India faces the music of being refurbished by modernity, but with modernity swaddled by the parallel yardsticks of age-old convention and tradition. A domain where grocery can sneak a look into our kitchen on online demand and beer seems cascading the Pilsner glass with a mouse click, what keeps Indians under veil in certain particular contexts alone is rather hilarious than questionable. 

Matrimony had always taken the toll of Indian conservatism be it the elite or the lowbrow, be it the voguish or the uncouth, be it the well heeled or the penury-struck. The backdrop of matrimony alone conspicuously holds the same framework and composition from time immemorial where in caste, creed, race, age, and what not -  every inch of stick in the mud platform, reincarnates. Thus Religion and caste plays the lead in the very game of Matrimony. While the western world incorporates multiple number of dating sites as a treading rock to wedlock, India has marketed the new generation straight away to Matrimonial sites where in one can randomly shortlist many, discard a few and ultimately end up in gluing oneself with the last choice which still remains in the list - not because it is the best but since it is the last to hold on in the matri-list in the light of the pre-set requirements of the respective bride or groom. Matrimonial sites in itself bear the brunt of a fabricated dichotomy between arranged marriages and a self-choosing system.

An online dating site, at least in the most superficial level creates a fake romantic connection, whereas an online matrimony site is in fact cut-copy-pasting the two individuals all the way direct into a bed chamber at the top floor without allowing them to climb the stairs leading to it. It is all the more a fixed system where in they are inclined to hit it off with a chat about “their wedding”. Call it easy convenience and expediency; call it a choice you can make within the four walls of your home; Call it a framework where the bride or groom gets involved in making their choice. Unless and until where two individuals naturally fall for each other and then proceed to the steps of a wedlock, a marriage doesn't fall under the category of a marriage in its real sense. Technically, for any business to begin with, the partners are supposed to know each other well. But most matrimonial sites take you the other way round where the knot is tied at first and then the partners start rummaging for reasons to trap themselves in affection. Nevertheless, Online sites amuse us with the first step of an advanced search option where individuals matching your conditions pop up and the random shortlisting commences. In a way, if the demands meet, you are more or less obliged and forced to make the match no matter whether the frequency taps into or not. 

A modern groom is likely to possess his own car with his own flat coupled with a facebook page and a whatsapp account where as a modern bride is imagined to be employed with her multi tasking capability of managing both her home and profession. Despite the care and understanding a man can provide to a woman, his “Annual income” rules his profile in his matrimonial sites. Likewise, apart from the educational status or the employment status the “down to earth nature” dictates the destiny of a lady’s profile. In a nutshell, a site which locks currency with subordination. Though modernity has crept too much into Indian veins, a teetotaller groom is still preferred over a man who drinks and a bride who cooks well is desired rather than a bride who encounters corn flakes or oats. 

Though matrimonial sites offer a greater probability of interaction, the already set-specific-goal in light - the intention of marriage - itself spoils the sport where spontaneity and the natural cascade of a relation is downright dilapidated. While the western dating sites try merging the two individuals together, Indian matrimony sites have bargained the price of compatibility with the face value of convenience recalling the barter system we endured traditionally with the underlying principles of exchange. 

Above all, Marriage has been considered as an indicator of social status and a guarantor of economic security in Indian context and has been monopolised by the general online markets where two individuals meet with collected requirements and demands. But with the shooting number of divorce cases in India, we are yet again plunged back in reconsidering the indicators of marriage like - religion, caste and status. Thus the sites trigger a well-considered-social-NEED rather than a slow-progressing-personal-WANT thereby creating a bond of feasibility rather than a tie of compatibility. 

With online matrimonial sites nudging into our personal sphere, parents have been relegated to the background in asserting the control but still holding the crown and the sceptre in regulating the match making. In majority of cases it is once again the parents who create the profile of their children and who go on with the prospective hunt. Nevertheless, it is a bit fuzzy and shaky to realise the online concept where all registered members in Marriage sites are known not by their names but by their respective ID numbers where one can easily state that ID E45873 seems more better than ID E55389.The ID numbers take us back to Auden’s “Unknown Citizen”  where the citizen is better known through his state identity number. 

Most online sites, let it be clothing, or furniture or books or gifts - offer a fifteen day replacement policy of goods, if attuned with customer dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, there is only one single site - the matrimonial site- which never guarantees a retake or a refund or a replacement with the purchased commodity -  :)

For Any relationship to evolve, time and the equivalence of effort chipped in by both parties, along with a natural spontaneous spark is mandatory where in the three of the above mentioned factors are supposed to happen involuntarily and to be realised and recognised only in later stages in a natural concatenation. Apart from the artificial bondage that is thrusted upon through matrimonial database, ordinary online sites like Facebook and Whatsapp creates better pulpits for knowing each other and being in open relationships where in time and tide helps you out in fixing whether to opt in or opt out sans the strapping authoritative hands behind. Despite the facts and truths involved, in a society where heterosexual stipulated marriage no longer remains as the kingpin with the advent  of new name-boards like co-habitation, Single parenting and LGBT popularisation, shouldn't individuals have a greater say in whom they should marry? 

A.Krishna Sunder